I guess I needed to take a break from writing the blog for a while. Once I got out the traumatic story of how my girls got here, I felt so much relief.
Now…my girls are great. We have a routine, and life isn’t always bleak. Baby A is walking, saying lots of words very sweetly, like “bawwwwwwllll” (ball) and “yesh” (yes), and exploring everything she can. Baby B is grabbing toys, smiling sweetly, and saying “Hiiiiiiiii,” “ba-ba,” “Dada,” “bru-ba” (brother) and (if I’m lucky or if she’s really upset) “Mama.”
Big brother is officially four and a half. He loooooooooves Coldplay. I mean LOVES. He wants to listen to Coldplay (all the albums, thanks to Amazon Prime streaming) all the time, watch Coldplay videos on YouTube or through Vevo, dress like Chris Martin, talk about Chris Martin, and pretend that Chris Martin is visiting our house and they are putting on a concert together. It’s toooooootally normal.
I’ve also been able to connect with another TTTS momma who has gorgeous girls who are similar to my beautiful babies. It was so nice to meet someone who KNOWS. I immediately felt like someone understood what I was going through, and it made me feel a little better. It was weird, but I felt like seeing my new friend with her girls just proved that we can get through this. Everyone has their own struggles. We’re so blessed to have our sweet babies here at all; they are truly miracles. It took seeing another mom getting through to realize that I could, too. I’d never look at her and think that she should be sad about the cards she’s been dealt, so why would I look at myself the same way? Sure, things suck sometimes, but hey — I’m mom, and I have to do everything I can to make my babies’ lives better. Whether it’s buying a Coldplay poster, reading books, or advocating for a corner chair, it’s up to ME to do it. I don’t feel as sad that I’m not working as a lawyer anymore (except when I look at our bank accounts :P), because I know I need to be doing exactly what I am doing right now. Yes, there will be days that I’ll feel down, but they are fewer than before. Little B is OK. She amazes every therapist and medical provider she sees. Her huge smile makes other people smile, too. Sometimes, that’s all I need to get through…that and a serenade from my Coldplay-loving son and a sweet “I la yooou” and kiss from Baby A.